Woke up this morning with my hands clenched so tight that my nails were cutting into my skin. My body is so site from the overall reality of this situation and this uncomfortable hospital couch/bed. But as I glance over at my baby I once again thank God for his grace love and mercy! We are here it isn’t the best day but is certainly better than yesterday. I’m looking forward to speaking with the doctors soon as they make their rounds. I’ve made a list of questions and Rey has a few also.
Immediately I’m thinking about my other kids. Reggie came up here late last night with the intention of spending the night with her but close to the morning he realized how truly uncomfortable it is sleeping in two chairs. He was able to make her smile tho AND connect us to netflix! Mario is probably getting up and getting ready for school. I’m so proud of my baby. He’s gotten so big and totally grew out of his busy nature. He’s more analytical now (MY LAWYER). He will still ask a million questions or tell u his million thoughts but overall he’s matured so much! He’s getting great grades and as social as he is its no longer a problem at school. I’m thankful for his father keeping him with no worries. Then my Toni. Toni Toni Toni…. I know she’s about sleep not thinking about being awoke unless her grandmother needs to go to work. Its so much I feel like I’m missing with my little baby but babies and hospitals certainly don’t mix. She’s here often enough to make Reyanna smile and long enough to wok her nerves, lol. Definitely thankful for a grandmother that can step in and handle her business. No worries! But all of us being spread out like this is a nightmare in itself. I’ve raised my kids with the thought that every day isn’t promised to me and they need the fundamentals and to be independent. But man! I have this mentality because my best friend in the world passed when we were both just 19. Not even outta high school a year. And now her son is facing an even more aggressive type of cancer yet he is praying for us! These babies are sooooo undeserving of this part of life. And as a mother is just heart breaking. Just walking around this floor last night I realize my boyfriend’s nephew is back in here. I first met him 3 years ago and I can still hear him going back and forth with the nurses, ‘un uh, un huh, un uh, un huh’! Just as cute as he wants to be. When I met him then they kept the little ones inside cribs that looked like jail cells with the metal bars surrounding them. Now they have upgraded to little tent beds so they are zipped in.
Anyways today is a new day. I will rejoice and be glad in it. We are here. We are fighting. We have faith. We have love. We wI’ll be victorious!