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A Cry For Help

We have a listener is desperately looking for some advice.  Please read her story and give some feedback as she will be waiting for your help.

Hello Ear Kandy listeners.  I won’t say who I am but I am 25 years old and I’ll get straight to the point.  My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years.  We have 2 kids together and I have one from a previous relationship as well.  My boyfriend is really a good dude deep down, but he is so controlling and demanding.  When we 1st got together, he was really good to my daughter, but at the same time he didn’t try to step on her dad’s toes because he is somewhat still in the picture.  About two and a half years into the relationship (about the time I had my 1st son by him) he started being really shady towards my daughter.  He would always buy our son stuff and schedule outings for just us (me, him and our son).  I rode along with it at 1st you know thinking  he was just happy this is his 1st kid, but by the time I got pregnant with our 2nd son, he would literally tell me that he didn’t want my daughter coming with us, or he would get mad if he felt that I was spending too much time with my daughter.  He was constantly comparing the way I treated her to the way I treated our sons.  It got to the point where my daughter starting feeling the tension and always asked to go over my parent’s house.  I tried to justify it because she has her own room over there and they really love her, my daughter is always so happy there.  But I’m just over it!  My boyfriend won’t really even let our sons stay over my parent’s house without us being there too.  Like he thinks his kids are too good to be around MY DAUGHTER or something.  I do understand him not wanting to step on my other baby dad’s toes.. but this is just not fair.  Currently my daughter is living with my parents and I just recently heard she has been telling our family that I love her brothers more than I love her.  My heart is torn because my boyfriend is a good dad, so if I leave him, my boys suffer.  IDK just feels like a lose lose situation.  I really need some advice.  Please help?

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4 thoughts on “A Cry For Help

  1. No. No no no no no. Nope. You are obligated to put your daughter first. Anything/anyone that is not 100% for ur kids is absolutely against them. Now taking a stand on this may mean u will have to stand single and alone– he may leave u. And that is ok. Let him be someone else headache. Right now, their happiness is more important than yours because they are children. U dont want to create lifetime trauma and hurt bc u loved a man too much to do what is right. Trust me, it is very hard to heal broken children when they feel rejected or like a parent played favortism. It will affect every area of her life and possibly her love for u and her siblings. If he doesnt love and respect her as if she was his own, that should’ve been a turn off to u the moment it started.

  2. I work in a residential treatment facility with kids who go through this on a daily basis. Ya’s comment is 100% correct. The trauma this relationship is causing your child is not worth the lack of true unconditional love from that man. A “Good Dude” would not make you chose between your daughter and your sons. He would love her as his own no matter what!!! Her crisis is already starting because she is telling people you love them more. Are you going to allow him to leave you both feeling broken and hurt. Should he leave you and move on with someone else, where will that leave your relationship with your daughter. Kids don’t forget and they are slow to forgive once they feel you turned your back on them. What are you teaching her about love and loyalty? You don’t need advice, you need to PRAY for the strength to chose your children first and take a stand for them ALL with this dude (i purposely did not say man), As mothers we are suppose to protect, love and nurture our children. He can take care of himself!!!! PLEASE don’t make her another broken child I have to try and heal. My kids call ME mom because they say I care for them, teach them and love them more than the “Bitch (that’s how they refer to their moms)” that gave birth to them. Don’t risk your daughter feeling this way. In the end it will hurt you just as much as it hurts her now.

  3. First off where is ypur motherly insticts at ?!?!?! There is no way I would allow anyman whether is be their father or not to treat my child that way. You should already know what to do. Leave his ass, so what he’s a good father to your bous but if he can’t be one without you being with him then he really wasn’t a good one to begin with because a REAL MAN will be their and take care of his regardless of thw situation. Right now your choosing a man over your daughter, and this is and will effect her trmendously so whose feelings arw more important tour daughters or his? Whose relationship is more important your daughters or his? And any man that treats your daughter that way is not a man and not the man for you. I met my husband when I was 4 months pregnant with my youngest daughter i was going through a lot at the time and didn’t know I was pregnant until a week before I had her. I had already had 4 children we found out together that I was pregnant he could’ve left at that moment because he already accepted 4 children that aren’t his but he made a decision to stay and he treats all 5 of my children like their biologically his. He has never played favorited or treated one better than the other, he stepped up from day one and made them his and its been that way for the past 5 years. A real man makes a decision to accept a woman and everything that comes with her or keep it pushing, so when he decided to be with you knowing you already had a daughter he decided to be with both of you not just you. Your messing with a pathetic ass boy with mama issues and you can do better. But with you even asking what you should do in this situation leads me to believe that maybe your daughter is best where she is, with your parent’s and not with you. I say that because a REAL MOTHER would have cut that shit off from thd jump no REAL MOTHER would allow A BOY to treat her child that way and A REAL MOTHER would never choose A BOY over her child.

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