Cheating men, cheating women, side chicks, side niggas it’s all a web of deceit. I have been on each end of this spectrum, being cheated on, doing the cheating and unfortunately I was also the other woman. I’m here to tell you none of these positions are pleasant. I’ll always be the first one to tell you I’m no love/relationship expert but it’s only a natural assumption that there has to be an underline reason to it, I cheated to get what I call “get back”, yes little ol’ me so I know there’s always a symptom of the cheating. After interviewing the men the only logical next step was for me to interview women who are serial cheaters to also get their perspectives on infidelity and why they think it happens.
Well fellas, here we go ya’ll are gonna love this… sit back and pay close attention. This is Candid Confessions of a serial cheater, why cheat. Ms. A is in her 30’s, she has been in a relationship for 15 years and they have one son, she has cheated twice within that 15 year span. Ms. C is in her 40’s, she is a mother of 3, she has been in a this relationship off and on for approximately 16 years.
Interviewer: Hi Queens, how are ya’ll doing?
Interviewees A&C (A): Hey how you doing, lol. (C): Hey I’m ready, I’m volunteering for your other one too about the side chick cause that’s currently me too, lol.
Interviewer: Lol, ok cool I appreciate it we definitely can do that one too. So we’re gonna jump right in this thang, what do ya’ll consider cheating and why do ya’ll cheat?
(A): Well to me cheating is texting other people, dating, having sex anything you are only suppose to do with your spouse. It’s not only sex it’s a lot of things cause cheating can be emotional, mental and sexual. I cheated because it was fun and exciting, like he wasn’t giving me what I needed at the time and to be honest I just really liked the guy. We were friends for real we just crossed the boundaries.
(C): To me it’s anything outside of your committed relationship but I don’t see it as cheating if he’s cheating too. If he’s not committed to me then I’m not either, I see it has having options, lol. I started cheating because he was cheating, well it depends on which relationship and which time we’re speaking of, lol. My daughter’s father cheated on me and so then I cheated but that turned into a relationship, then my other two children’s father cheated on me in a very public way. I was very close to his family so when I found out he not only was cheating but taking her around the family and they were interacting with the girl I felt betrayed and at that point it was gloves off. Now my current relationship I have been in for about 16 years on and off. When we first met I instantly was in love with him. We sat and talked til the sun came up and I knew he was the one for me; however, I didn’t know he was married. After I found out I accepted it but now he cheats on US, lol!! So I too have someone that I keep handy lol.
Interviewer: I understand. Shit, I have been on both sides of this thang, lol. I just find this interesting as to the differences in men and women and the reasons why and how they do it. Have either one of ya’ll ever been faithful?
Interviewer: Is there a difference in emotional and physical cheating Ms. C, Ms. A already told me that she believes that it is all cheating. Do you think there’s a difference?
(C): Yes to me it is, an emotional affair is when you are emotionally connected to that person you’re thinking about them constantly, can’t wait to see them and be around them, like you just gotta be around them it’s real feelings involved. Where as a physical affair is just that it’s sex and you can take it or leave it.
Interviewer: Okay so you both are what we are calling serial cheaters?
(A); Lol, no I’m not currently cheating… I cheated with the guy we’re currently speaking of and I dealt with him for about 4 years and I also had a sexual encounter with my best friend. That got messed up because now my fiance doesn’t want me to be her friend, but that’s my best friend like I’m not gonna stop talking to her.
(C): I didn’t set out for it to be this way, but once it happened I just kept it going, lol.
Interviewer: Okay Queen so do you consider that sexual encounter with your best friend cheating or no because she’s a female?
(A): No, it’s not… well lol, I guess. Lol, yea it is.
Interviewer: Ms. A have you ever been cheated on?
(A): Yes and I’ve been faithful too, lol.
Interviewer: Did either one of ya’ll see infidelity growing up?
(A): Yes, my stepdad cheated on my mom.
(C): Yes, my stepdad cheated on my mom. At one point my mom was his other woman, he and my mom grew up across the street from each other and dated growing up, then they went their separate ways. When they came back together he was married and she wasn’t, she then became the other woman and then later was the woman he was cheating on.
Interviewer: That’s deep because neither were the original fathers in these relationships, I would think you would wanna show the children how special their mother was but that’s just me lol. How do ya’ll think seeing this growing up affected ya’ll, or did it?
(A): I don’t think so I don’t see it like that.
(C): Yea, it did because I use to say I will never allow myself to be treated like that, my mom pretty much would chase him and bust windows but she never stepped out.
Interviewer: Wow, so she wasn’t an eye for an eye type woman. This is so crazy interesting to me, lol. Has it ever been about money for either of ya’ll, and how long did you cheat or are either of you currently cheating?
(A): Yea, money was involved but it wasn’t just about it though. That’s kind of how it started, he and I were really good friends, he used to give me money and we could talk we just crossed the line. We messed around for about 4 years but no I’m not currently. Lol.
(C): No, not for me. Yes, I’m still currently doing what I want and I have been dealing with the other guy for about 14 years. Lol.
Interviewer: Well damn, lol. Do ya’ll consider these side niggas side relationships?
(C): No, I can take it or leave it. Like right now I haven’t seen him since April. I also feel I’m not getting what I need, so it is what it is, lol.
Interviewer: I started to ask if either of you have had your hearts broken but I’m sure you have based off the previous responses, lol. So, I will just proceed. Ms. A you said you’re currently NOT having an outside affair, would you do it again?
(A): No, lol sounds fun though. LOL!!
Interviewer: Lol, right okay then, Do ya’ll think ya’ll are angry or bitter with men?
(C): No, I could careless. Lol. Just being honest.
Interviewer: If there was a perfect man, fuckin, lickin and stickin. You know doing all the things you needed physically and emotionally, would you still cheat?
(A): No I wouldn’t.
(C): No I wouldn’t.
Interviewer: This is so interesting lol, like wow I don’t judge though. I only have a few more questions. Lol, what would you do if you found out your spouse was cheating now or what did you do when you found out? And would you stay?
(A): Gggiirrrllll!!! Lol, It depends… uummm no… it… no fuck that I’m beating his ass lol!!! I mean ummm, is he cheating??? LOL!!! A baby would be my breaking point… no fuck that cheating is my deal breaker, I couldn’t handle that.
(C): He does what he does and so do I but… when I found out not with just him but others too I have cried, threatened bodily harm, attempted murder lol, but I’m serious lol. Let ***** ***** tell it I tried to run him over with my car LOL!!! I have found where the bitch was gonna be and waited on her but she was tipped off so she wasn’t there, I have cursed out the family. I have been violent, lol and it wasn’t pretty.
Interviewer: Ms. C do you consider yourself a side chick? And Ms. A do you think your spouse has ever cheated?
(C): Yes and no. I’m the side piece but I’m the main piece. He often jokes that he has a girlfriend and a wife on the side, lol.
(A): No I don’t. I have had nightmares that he has cheated though lol.
Interviewer: Since you both are mothers, what advice would you give if it were your children or would you give them any?
(A): It would depend on if I liked her and if I thought he should even be messing with her. Lol.
(C): Well if they were being cheated on I would sit them down for a heart to heart. I would tell them to put themselves first and if they were the cheater I would encourage them to just be single and I would remind them that there’s a real person at the end of that love line with real feelings.
Interviewer: Wow, ladies this was very eye opening it was really different from the fellas who were also very candid and open.
(C): Yea, but I wanted to tell you after I read it I felt sorry for Mr. A he said he didn’t feel bad for watching the affairs growing up I think he’s hurt and doesn’t know it and the other guy he really didn’t know why he was doing it it seems as if they are both broken or hurt.
Interviewer: Yes ma’am Queen I have to agree with you on that. Well it has been a true pleasure to sit down with you both to get the other side and Ms. C I can’t wait to hear what your perspective is on being a side but main chick. Thank you both.
The women were not only very candid and honest it seems as if they understood their infidelity and really knew the reasons as to why it happened. I saw the pain coming from them both and it let’s me know that the statement hurt people hurt people is real. I would just say this, love who you want but know who and what that is and if you don’t know just be single until you figure it out. However if you are one who just enjoys the excitement of the cheat be safe, because sometimes the grass isn’t greener on the other side and sometimes the blades are sharp.
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