I’m far from an expert on love or relationships; however, doing what I do and in working with the public I have come across infidelity in numerous relationships. It made me think, why do people cheat, it has to be a real underline reason why men and women cheat. Even if they cheat or “play the field” for different reasons, it still has to be one. So, I decided to ask… Fortunately, I know some “cheaters” personally, giving me access to and the pleasure of an open and honest conversation. I sat down with two men in an interview to get the real reasons of why men step out of their relationships and step into situationships.
Interviewee A is a “single” man caught in the dynamic of a love triangle but he has always been a “player”. Interviewee B is also caught in the dynamic of a love triangle and he was married for 19 years. They both are fathers and both are in their early 40’s. A is the father of three boys and B has two girls and two boys and neither has ever been faithful. Sit back and enjoy ladies and take notes. You can thank me later, this is Confessions of a serial cheater.
Interviewer: Hey, ya’ll ready?
(A): Yea, you got two whores here, lol!!!
Interviewer: Do you both consider yourselves as cheaters? Do you cheat and why?
(A&B): No, it’s not cheating when you grew up in the era of it’s just what men do. We both watched our fathers deal or have sexual encounters with multiple women. It’s just a part of being a man.
Interviewer: So,you both feel that it’s just something that men do or is a right of passage that is taught… okay…wow! Well is it cheating if the woman does it? Would that be okay and have either of you ever been in a monogamous relationship?
(A): No I’ve never been faithful, I have given it a few months but lol.
(B): No I’ve never been faithful, women do stupid shit and they don’t compare to my mama, so I’m gonna do what I do, lol.
(A): …and he was married for 19 years, lol!!! As far as a woman cheating or steppin’ out if she give some pussy away, okay but if she suck a dick I’m gonna wanna knock her teeth out!!! lol, but if I don’t know and if I don’t know the nigga cool I can’t walk around seeing him. Yea, it’s what I saw growing up…I used to watch my father bring women in while married to my mom, I would lay down by my room door cause I knew if I laid there long enough I would see a naked lady lol. Shit, I was brought up where they would take me into rooms and show me how to fuck a woman, how to do the right way.
Interviewer: I started to ask if you thought porn at an early age affects young boys. Is there a difference in physical and emotional cheating?
(A): Shiiiiitttt!!! I was shown the real thing, then I started with the magazines and porn. I can’t watch porn cause if I do and you don’t give me some pussy after I watch it I’m gonna get it from somewhere.
(B): Ain’t no emotional cheating, if it’s emotional she’s just a friend lol.
Interviewer: Now you both say some of the reasons you cheat is because that’s what you saw from your fathers, it’s pretty much what you grew up thinking is what a man is, but did you ever see it from your mothers? What else do you both think causes infidelity, have either of you ever had your hearts broken and if so could that be part of the reason?
(A): No, I never saw it from my mom, only my dad. If she ever fucked another man she never let it be known. Yes lol, I had my heart broken that’s all the reason lol. Man listen, back in the day my little girlfriend used to wear my starter jacket to school. I was fuckin everything moving but I found out she fucked ONE nigga and I was crushed, lol I was pissed I couldn’t handle it. I went back and got my damn jacket too.
(B): No I never saw any of that from my mom either, we grew up in the time where women didn’t ask about outside women as long as the bills were paid, it was food on the table and the home in general was taken care of. Women just didn’t ask questions.
Interviewer: Okay wow this is so deep, lol do ya’ll know from the beginning, like as your going into the relationship do you know your not gonna be faithful, do you know that your going to cheat?
(A): No, I go in with good intentions but women tend to speak down to the man they’re in a relationship with and sometimes we need to see that we still got it. It is the ego.
(B): We are usually proving something to ourselves, to me it has to do with role reversal, or how women act. I’m telling you if she do some dumb shit I’m cheating. Lol!!
Interviewer: So in a sense you were inspired by watching your fathers but did you ever feel bad watching your mothers going through that? If so did it ever make you not want to cheat or repeat that cycle?
(A): Yea I was inspired, I lived the way he did for awhile. No I can’t say I felt bad for my mom.
(B): Yea I was inspired and yea I felt bad for her. But I don’t really think about the infidelity cause I don’t set out to do it.
Interviewer: Okay so B you felt bad but your still exhibiting the behaviors, what if your daughters were on the other end of the cheating how would you handle it?
(B): Oh I have taught them well they wouldn’t react or get into their feelings I have taught them better.
Interviewer: As a woman I have to say that’s not true because the heart wants what it wants, but you feel they wouldn’t get caught up in the anger or emotions behind it?
(A): Man I dogged so many women I just knew God was gonna give me all girls but I have three boys. Lol.
(B): Yea I just feel they wouldn’t, because of how I taught them I taught them to recognize it.
Interviewer: Some people think that men who are constantly unfaithful have issues with women do ya’ll think your angry with women?
Interviewer: That’s interesting… What would be the perfect woman and if you had it would you still cheat? Like if she was cooking, cleaning, fucking and sucking frontwards and backwards would you still cheat?
(A): Yea I had it, I still cheated.
(B): No, you don’t get it… I don’t want to cheat, I want it to be right but if she don’t act like my mama and do or say some shit I don’t like I’m gonna do it.
Interviewer: So what would make you behave differently? What would have made you be different, what would have changed somethings for you?
(A&B): If she can’t hold my attention I’m gonna do what I do… Period!!! Lol Shit nothing, we would have to go back to the beginning. I wouldn’t want to be a punk… Lol
Interviewer: Wow that’s crazy, you have referred to faithful men as punks a few times now. So are you saying that men who don’t cheat are punks or soft?
(A): I mean yea we refer to weddings as funerals. Lol
(A&B): Lol, another playa dead!!!
Interviewer: Do you ever feel bad for your behavior concerning women?
(A): It depends.
(B): It’s never my intention to cheat. I do it because of them. Lol.
Interviewer: What kind of men do you want your sons to be, do you want them to be different. Do ya’ll think you’re a good influence on your sons at least concerning women?
(A): His sons are grown, one does his thang different girls enjoying and living his best life, his other son has a girlfriend I don’t think he cheats. But neither have been in any trouble they’re good kids, my boys are 15 and 7 I want them to be similar to his. I do want them to be completely different than me, yea I’m a good influence cause I show them how to treat women in public. Nobody really knows what goes on behind closed doors.
Interviewer: You show them how to treat women in public but it’s important to show them how to treat women in private too. Do you think you could ever be faithful?
(A&B): No, probably not. I just want a good woman to hold my attention. We just want a good woman to be right and what I need.
Interviewer: I thank you gentlemen for doing this with all honesty, I really appreciate you both.
In doing this candid interview I understood somethings very clearly. Women and men cheat for very different reasons. In my experience with women I have found that women cheat as a means of escape and/or to experience something different and they’re usually torn. Women tend to be very discreet and still love their spouses . I was truly amazed at how matter of fact the gentlemen were. It also seemed that they both had “reasons” for the infidelity, as many reasons as they gave, to me it just didn’t seem as though they really knew why they were cheating. It seemed as if the reasons were scattered and the cause of the infidelity fell on the shoulders of others, they never really held themselves accountable. I thought for sure one of them would say I just sometimes want something different.
Mr. A said he will cheat if he doesn’t feel respected as a man, so I guess you could take that as wanting a different experience. Listening to all his reasoning it seems as though he is using the act of sex as a crutch or band-aid and not really addressing or healing from his “too soon” experiences. Mr. A seems unfulfilled within, and insecure; which, is shocking he’s very handsome. It goes to show the most beautiful person can be insecure and can be cheated on.
Mr.B repeatedly said that if she wasn’t similar to his mother he would cheat, but having never met his mother she wouldn’t fairly know what she was striving for and what about the lessons her mother taught her when showing her what a woman is. He also said if she did something he didn’t like he would cheat. That would leave anyone to walk on egg shells, I mean if she put too much salt on his potatoes does that mean it would be an “I’ll be right back honey,” kind of moment. To me it gives him a false sense of entitlement, authority and it leaves him confused believing there are no good women in the world; meanwhile leaving her on a Hamster wheel running for dear life trying to fulfill an expectation that can’t be filled. Mr. B seems hurt over the passing of his mom, it’s obvious he loved her very much and adorned her greatly.
I know sometimes it’s the thrill of it, it’s forbidden, it’s exciting, but remember there is a real person on the other end of that love line. Love who you want but know what it is that you want. Be honest with yourself and those that you are in relationship with, I don’t know maybe I’m from the era of Donnell Jones, “… cause I rather leave then to cheat.” I’m not judging, have I ever cheated, I can’t say it’s cheating lol. It was more like get back, I am an eye for an eye, petty, right back ain’t cheating kinda Queen. Remember, if you can dish it you can take it.
Check me out on Soul Sessions LIVE each and every Sunday right here on EarKandyRadio.com 5p CST. and 6p EST. Don’t miss your chance to connect with Spirit, log on or call in to 646-787-8528 to listen, join the conversation or comment. Make sure you’re checking out our past shows and blogs, get caught up and get connected today. And remember is just a phone call away.